Psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi’s investigations of “optimal experience” have revealed that what makes an experience genuinely satisfying is a state of consciousness called flow. During flow, people typically experience deep enjoyment, creativity, and total involvement with life. Csikszentmihalyi demonstrates the ways this positive state can be controlled, not just left to chance.
“The best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times… The best moments usually occur if a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Csikszentmihalyi teaches how, by ordering the information that enters our consciousness, we can discover true happiness, unlock our potential, and greatly improve the quality of our lives.
Being in the flow means having the ability to focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task. It’s a skill that allows you to quickly master complicated information and produce better results in less time.
Flow and couples therapy intensives
There’s a real parallel between the concept of flow and couples therapy intensives
When couples commit to an intensive, they spend a weekend away from all the daily tasks of their home life that would distract them. They focus totally on each other and their relationship. Nobody needs to clean up dishes, take the dog for a walk or put the kids to bed.
What really makes couples intensives work and is it worth the investment?
In my decades of work with couples, I believe that intensives are usually the most effective approach. The benefits are that you get more “emergency surgery” on the front end and a higher dose of the antidotes that lead to healing.
The issues of being “stuck” in therapy for months, simply do not happen due to the intensive focus in just a few days.
I find that couples show up fully engaged and committed,, often far more than they do when we meet for weekly sessions. It’s also a major investment and couples want to get the most out of it.
Flow describes what happens when we enter extended states of concentration, focused on acquiring a particular skill, or knowledge.
This is critical to the effectiveness of a couples therapy intensive. As a couples therapist, I am also entering that flow. When I’m working with a couple for an intensive, I limit my screen time and most importantly, I do not see any other clients or couples during that time. I am 100% focused on the couple I am with.
I also invest in several hours of work examining and interpreting the couples assessment questionnaires. My intensive focus starts well before I meet the couple, as I plan a bespoke programme for their intensive.
Whenever you get distracted it takes on average 25 minutes to gain back your full attention on the task at hand. This is because of something called ‘attention residue’, which implies that some of your attention is still left behind at the previous task or distraction that you were dealing with.
Sophie Leroy, a professor at the University of Minnesota, suggests that as you switch from one task to another, your attention doesn’t immediately follow and a residue of your attention remains stuck thinking about the original task.
Additionally, the more demanding the previous task, the more residue that remains as you engage in the next task.
How does attention residue impact weekly couples therapy?
When a couple is busy getting to their 90-minute weekly session each partner has some attention residue from what they were doing prior to the session.
This limits what can be accomplished in that 90-minute session. Especially when we allow for the arrival, check-in and closing elements of the time in the therapy room.
The actual time that is available for the remaining therapeutic treatment and the time it takes to acquire the deep concentration for learning and integrating relational skills is reduced even further.
Whereas the intensive allows the couple to spend longer, dedicated time together, concentrating on their relationship and the vital skills needed to repair and reconnect.
Compared to conventional weekly couples therapy, the attention residue is substantially reduced during a couples therapy intensive.
Couples Therapist attention residue.
Many therapists spend their days in back-to-back consultations, sometimes for 8-12 hours a day. Imagine the impact of attention residue as they are under pressure to end a session oin time and if they are lucky, take a 10-minute break before the next session begins.
Is it any wonder that therapy can go wrong when it is conducted under such appalling conditions.
Couples Therapy Intensive avoid this… It is just one therapist and one couple, usually for two days together. This is why intensives are so very effective.
During our time together, I really get to know each of you and how your relational dynamics work together.
This depth of connection enables us to join together and have the really tough conversations that make all the difference to breaking the gridlock.